And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
