all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
