I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i out mim tonsoeep
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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