and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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