My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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