why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
