just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
