So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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