you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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