i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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