My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
