I have demons in me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
