You're earring is so big in my mouth
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Bring me that man meat
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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