Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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