we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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