Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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