I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Welp...herpes.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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