My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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