got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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