It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
