I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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