Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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