didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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