So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
