I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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