you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
