You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
