I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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