OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize