is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
