It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
FUCK WHALES
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