he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
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Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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