she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
