He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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