Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
