I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
