i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
