Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
