I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
