He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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