is your mom at the bar?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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