So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
