i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can I color on your dick again?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
