Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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