i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
