I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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