Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
