Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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