My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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