So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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