i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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