so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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