He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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