I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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