sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
