Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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